Midgets, Super Villains and Nude Pics

Midgets are annoying. There I said it, everybody knows it, everybody thinks it and everybody is afraid to say it. Thinking back to my time at boarding school and some later experiences in varsity, I have no doubt that midgets make up for what they lack in height with an exceptional skill to irritate all that is taller than they are. Have you ever seen a midget with midget friends? Exactly, they prefer to hang out with people who are taller than them who have no self-esteem, people I like to term the enforcers. The biggest bullies in boys’ school contrary to popular belief and American mythology aren’t the biggest guys, it’s the midgets with the biggest friends. Their lack of height makes them feel as if they always need to show others that they cannot be stepped on (the irony of that). This isn’t just true for guys but for girls as well. It is always the vertically challenged ones who are the leaders of the pack, destroying little boys’ confidence by telling them off just cause they wanted to stick some pipis in the midgets’ friends’ wiwis. Vicious cock-blocking and a wrath of harsh words ended by pulling the friends away leaves the little boy scarred for life and examining himself in the mirror for long hours trying to check what is wrong with himself. This is in actual fact a medical condition known as TDSPS or “The Don’s Short People Syndrome.” In short I don’t like midgets.

 The most anticipated movie of the year is finally out (thank the Pope it has no midgets in it-nah fuck the pope). The Avengers, a collection of the world’s greatest super heroes coming together to defend the earth. Amidst all the excitement about the movie the big five has told Iran that they must stop suspected nuclear weapon manufacturing. This got me thinking what if all the super villains of the world came together and decided to take over the world. Robert Mugabe would be their leader and would use his Swiss accounts to fund a biology operation which would raise Shaka Zulu, PW Botha, Adolf Hitler, Osama Bin Laden and Idi Amin from the dead. In the process reanimating some of the most bad ass people to probably ever live. Adolf Hitler would be in charge of eradicating the world of all its Jews in order for Mugabe to get hold of all their funds. Shaka Zulu would be in charge of military strategy and would work hand in hand with Osama in making sure Iran and other countries affiliated with nuclear power production continue to provide military weapons for Shaka’s army, which would anger Shaka because he likes spears. Idi Amin would recruit Jacob and Snoop Dogg in an attempt to pimp out all the beautiful women of the world. PW Botha would sit in his room and whine about why he has to work for a Black guy. In short if countries continue to produce nuclear power as they please we are all fucked and we will seriously need Iron man and the rest of his Avengers squad to come and defend us.

While we are on PW Botha, “Jessica What What” a blonde girl who takes nude pictures for a living (whom I had never heard of before the incident might I add) caused outrage over social networking site twitter by using an inappropriate racial slur. She then of course wrote an apology afterwards saying how sorry she was, how much she loves black people and has had a secret crush on Barrack Obama and Jacob Zuma (but then again which woman doesn’t) since she was 14. I find such apologies a waste of everybody’s time to be honest. Does anybody honestly believe she means it. People should be forced to apologize properly for racist acts i.e. take her to Soweto put her in the middle of the street and make her apologize publically with everyone watching or if it’s a black guy/girl caught being racist send him to DelareyVille or Rooi Huis Kraal and make him apologize there, not these weak apologies behind a computer screen with a smile on their faces where nobody can see them . No doubt that would teach the racist scum a lesson, but then again who cares what a brainless twat who I repeat is taking nude pictures for a living has to say. 

That’s all for this week next column up on Wednesday by The Don Ryno. Have a good week and keeping up with the super villain theme, a quote by my personal favorite bad guy “Why so serious?”- The Joker

Follow me on twitter @The_Don_Maphz