We live in a world where it is ok for guys to wear pink
dresses, skinny jeans, leopard skin leggings and shades in doors. There is
nothing we can do about it, I mean if you as a “man” feel the need to sit down
when you pee it is your choice. By the way do you gays guys use pads or
tampons? I can accept guys sharing clothes and tampons with their girlfriends
but what I cannot stand is when grown man say shit like “men must get in touch
with their feminine side” (pukes in mouth and takes a swipe at his Dr. Phil
voodoo doll and suddenly gets a stomach ache). Really, since when do we have a
feminine side? Shaka would put a spear in a man with a feminine side! I’ve
never heard of women getting in touch with their masculine side? If any woman
wants me to get in touch with my feminine side I’m making her change the tyre
while I nurse my feelings! What’s next? Men
must put weaves on and wear heels to connect more to their women? Somebody
shoot me now!
Tokyo “I Got Money” Sexwale has decided he wants to be
elected as president of the ANC come December when the goon squad selects their
next president. Interesting, considering that Jacob “Rub My Tummy” Zuma still wants
another term and his deputy Kgalime “Say Nothing” Motlante also wants the
position. This got me thinking. What if I started my own version of the WWE and
call it WWPPE (We Want Political Positions Entertainment). Every time people
want tenders and high political positions they would battle it out in the ring
in speedos and hot pants. I would get Thuli “No Nonsense” Madonsela to be the
ref. Juju “I don’t Matter” Malema and Thabo “I am an African” Mbeki to clean
the ring after the bloody fights (even the irrelevant ones need a job). Helen
“The madam” Zille would be the lady who walks around in a swim suit before
every fight announcing the fighters before they come onto the ring. Instead of
having elections Tokyo, Jacob and Motlante would step into the ring in a triple
threat match where the winner would get a term as the next president. The WWPPE
would have its own version of the undertaker, FW De Klerk who kept coming back
from the dead in a leather jacket and cowboy hat. In my season finale I would
have the biggest match up of all time. A two on one match up. Robert Mugabe vs.
Bush and Blair, the world tag team champions. Of course Bob would win because
he would have his sangoma ring side making sure he wins. Bush and Blair don’t
have those and we all know you can’t win without a midget practicing black
magic ringside in the WWPPE. Point of the matter is, political battles would be
way more interesting if they were on the WWPPE, regardless of who ends up as
the next president it’s up to every South African to try and make a difference
in their own lives and those around them. If you’re expecting politicians to
come and save you, you are just waiting to get fucked.
Barrak “Yes We Can” Obama caused turmoil in the world by
becoming the first U.S president to publically declare that he supports gay
marriage. This one statement had a huge effect on the world. Rappers stopped
swearing, African leaders gave up power after a single term, JP Morgan’s value
fell, E-tolls were postponed, Jacob grew hair and left all his wives, the big
show lost weight, politicians stopped being corrupt, Robert hugged Blair and
had tea with Bush, Alex Ferguson stopped chewing gum and got a tan, PW Botha
married a black women with Osama as the priest in hell. All because Obama
supports gay marriage. I don’t see the big deal. If midgets, red hairs and Jews
can get married why not gay people? It’s not like it affects the rest of us.
That's all for this week ladies and gents have a good week.
Follow me on twitter The Don Maphz
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