Friday 8 March 2013

Mothers Beat Your Brats



Mothers beat your brats: as soon as that brat turns three and is old enough to comprehend what a beating is, beat a sensible moral code into that brat! Invest in a leather belt made of dinosaur skin sprinkled with ash from a fire breathing dragon’s mouth. While we are on the topic of fire breathing dragons; mothers can you please educate your kids about the importance of brushing their teeth and showering in the morning before going to school or work. There is nothing more irritating than sitting next to a person who smells like they’ve been trapped in a war zone in middle earth for 3 years, 2 months and 9 days, deprived of water because Lindi Mazibuko drank it all Gandalf feels like being a complete bustard and wants everybody to stink.  Fuck you Gandalf! Mothers if your kid doesn’t like water beat that dirt and smell out of them every morning till they fall in love with water! Do it for humanity!

It’s kind of pointless writing a blog about rape considering the majority of the offenders probably aren’t intelligent enough to read, [Insert joke about Jacob of Nkandla’s rape case here] but it is an issue that cannot be ignored particularly since today is international women’s day. A vital step in the transition from boy to man is the ability to look at a woman and see more than a piece of live meat waiting for you to pounce on, women are not prey, they aren’t there to entertain horny douchebags whose moral code only points south. The clothes she wears, the amount of alcohol in her system, her sexual orientation or even the sweet seductive smell of her perfume are not an excuse for you to force yourself on her (buy some porn and jerk off it’s really simple). As for the people who believe women ask to get raped, back in the day my great (x16) grandfather’s friend Julius Ceaser had a name for people like you; that word was cunts…matter of fact now that I think about it that’s still the word. I read a tweet earlier which went something along the lines of getting raped is like being murdered and being forced to live afterwards. Now to think that there are people who believe somebody could ask for that amount of emotional and physical pain shows there is very little hope for mankind, that kind of ignorance is the reason Lindi doesn’t gym and Gedliyehlekisa doesn’t read his speeches before he delivers them. 

A family member of mine suggested mob justice is the only solution to minimizing rape and to a certain degree he might be correct but perhaps the death penalty or maybe even a capable police force might help? Who am I kidding this is South Africa we are better off hoping Dumbledore takes some time off from Hogwarts and makes the journey south to collect these rapists so he can lock them up in a cage with Lord Voldemort in Azkaban.

Mothers beat your brats all the way to the shower! Perhaps Mr. Baggins needs some company to come along with him on his mission to reclaim the land of the dwarfs I am sure he won’t mind the awkward smell as much as we do up here!

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