Wiwis and Pipis

Boy sees girl, boy approaches girl; Boy: Hi, I would like to stick my pipi in your wiwi. Girl: sure you can stick your pipi in my wiwi. Boy sees girl, boy approaches girl; Boy: Hi, I would like to stick my pipi in your wiwi. Girl: NO! My wiwi belongs to somebody else’s pipi. Boy sees girl, boy approaches girl; Boy: Hi, I would like to stick my pipi in your wiwi. Girl: Go stick your pipi in your left hand (how unfortunate for you if you get this reaction).

This ladies and gentlemen is how the cycle of life works. It’s all about sticking wiwis and pipis inside wiwis and pipis. In order for the sticking of pipis in wiwis to take place both parties have to agree that pipis must be stuck in wiwis or else it can’t work. This is what I call the fundamental theorem of The Don Maphz. Yet there are assholes out there who feel they have the right to go around sticking their shit where it doesn’t belong. The reluctance of those clowns in the blue uniforms and yellow vehicles to do anything about it really does grate my nipples. Last week a girl was raped close to where I stay and I’m pretty sure the useless blue uniformed slugs are yet to make an arrest for the “cuntary” (this might just be the best adjective/adverb/verb/noun or- whatever it is- ever created, inspired of course by the need to describe individuals like Julius, John Terry and Peter De Villiers and all their comical doings) that took place. Nobody loves South Africa more than I do, believe me. No other country in the world can have a pimp motherfucker as president, host the biggest sporting event in the world and still have time to give its people so many public holidays that nobody gives a damn about. I do however think we could learn a great deal from the countries like Saudi Arabia. If somebody sticks their pipi in a wiwi they shouldn’t be sticking it in, we should get a guy with an axe and a large piece of wood and chop his dick off. There, problem solved. No more rape, all peace is restored. Dutch people go back to rugby, black people to soccer, Indian people to fishing and Egyptians to praising Pharaohs and building pyramids.

While we are on Egyptians, apparently there is a debate in the country about passing a law which will allow husbands to stick their pipis in their dead wives wiwis for six hours after their deaths. If you think you read that wrong go to the kitchen have a glass of water and read it again. When you’re done take that glass of water, dash it with some vodka and send it to Egyptian parliament with a lot of weed, because clearly they have run out of issues to discuss and pyramids to build. The world might seriously be coming to an end in 2012 if this is what the individuals tasked with leading their countries spend their time thinking about.

Just when you thought shit couldn’t get any worse, Obama has gone and pissed off the Chinese. The Americans and Philippines have been running military operations over some Chinese place nobody besides the Chinese knows or cares about and our short yellow friends have threatened military action against Obama and his crew. Clearly the idiots in the white house are too occupied attacking countries for oil and eating McDonalds to watch movies, because if they did they would know nobody in their right minds would want to fight against Bruce Lee, Jet Li, or Jackie Chan. There are two billion people in China why o why would you want to make two billion Jet Lis and Jackie Chans angry? Didn’t Obama see what happened to Chuck Norris in Eye of the Dragon?

Interesting fact RIM’s (company that makes blackberry) share price has dropped 75% in the last year and might not even exist in a couple of years due to android and apple taking over the global market so it might be worthwhile to get one of these and catch up with the future before it arrives…

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