Hips that don't lie

The beauty of being your own boss is that you get to work when you want. That sort of explains why I haven’t been on here in a while. Of course there are other reasons like the fact that I was celebrating the elimination of England from the Euros and writing a petition to have Pier Spies banned from all contact sports but then I stopped half way because I realized nothing would make him happier because contrary to popular belief Pier Spies is in fact a belay dancer who doesn’t like taking contact, and nothing would make him happier than being banned from all contact forever. To those who don’t know nothing grates my nipples more than happy blue bulls.

Onto matters football Euro 2012 comes to an end tonight and I for one am glad to see the back of it. The last 3 international tournaments have proven one thing; international football is shit and boring. My time would be much better spent poking darts at Peter Devillers or watching a wrestling match between Mr. Chinwag from kideo and Barney the purple dinosaur. I thought of a way internation tournaments can be improved; each time a goal is scored a flame throwing dragon can be released into the pitch to gallop one of the opposition’s players, with the large number of cunts present at international tournaments ( Nani, John Terry, Samir Nasri, Arjen Robben. Busquets) this system would at least rid the world of some cuntary. The site of Gerad Pique being swallowed by a dragon with millions of viewers across the world watching would surely please every straight man out there. Not only would we never have to see his tall self ever again but we would all get a shot at Shakira (runs off to bathroom to play with himself at the thought of the waka waka video) because every man wants hips that don’t lie.

Bitches, pimps and hoes some good news for all of you SAV001 a HIV prevention vaccine has been approved for human testing. They are basically going to inject you with dead HIV and before you all start throwing your toys and destroying shit around you that’s how all vaccines work. Which makes sense if you were thinking about becoming a serial killer the last thing you would want to do is walk into a room full of dead people because there’s nobody to kill there (I should consider a career in making up analogies). What this means is that everybody can start fucking everybody and there’ll be less grumpy people walking around. Mondays will no longer be blue, teachers will stop giving out detention slips and Professors will stop setting hard exams simply to fuck with us (figuratively that is we don’t really engage in intercourse with Professors well at least I don’t). Basically the world will be better if the fight against aids is won and prostitutes can go about doing their work more freely knowing the pimps won’t fire them for catching aids (we should always think about the economy). Lets all hope this vaccine does in fact work as it will greatly improve the pimp-hoe sector of the economy.

South Africa now has a new police commissioner Mangwashi Victoria “Riah” Phiyega. For fuck sakes can somebody sort out her hairline!

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