Letter to Richard

Dear Richard or as you are known around your mates...Dick

First of all I think blond women are beautiful, red hairs are as bad as it gets, I don't care much about Helen Zille, and I think Kim Kardashian is a sloot, Slim Shady is the greatest human to ever live and the rhinos and dogs you care about so much can go fuck themselves.

Secondly Dick I forgave you ancestors for slavery and I forgave your grandparents for apartheid. None of that shit had anything to do with you so there's no resentment towards you from my side, but I'm sick off all your bullshit. I can't take the pretense anymore, in your eyes the two of us aren't equal Dick, your mannerisms annoy me, the covert racism ingrained in you which you don't even realize is there is the reason I'm probably going to end up kicking your ass.

Don't tell me I'm just another black guy being a nuisance Dick. What do you know about people crossing the street every time they are going to walk past you in because they think you are going to mug them? What do you know about having to repeat your name more than once every time you meet someone because they've assumed they can't pronounce it before you've even said it? Maphz it's not even a hard name Dick. What do you know about sitting in group meetings in class with group members who assume they know more than you because you have more melanin than they do? What do you know about sitting in a meeting at work with a group of white people who disregard everything you say as bullshit just because you don't burn in the sun even though you are just as qualified as they are? Stop telling me I speak well Dick it's not a compliment it's a fucking insult because what you are actually thinking is "I never expected this black guy to be able to articulate himself in such an immaculate way." What do you know about having to introduce yourself more than once to the same person because in your head you register all of us as looking the same? I certainly do not look like this guy stop assuming I do.

Tell me Dick were you ever accused of stealing by your white teachers as a 14 year old boy? Proved your innocence and never even got anything resembling an apology? What do you know about having to use your white friend's name to secure a place to live because nobody wants to lease their place out to a black guy? I'm tired of dudes making comments every time they see me chilling with a white female friend of mine, "stop stealing white chicks" who the fuck do they belong too? Do you think we still live slavery times where people are property belonging to other people?

Slim Shady said it: "I don't care if you're black, white, straight, bisexual, gay, lesbian, short, tall, fat, skinny, rich or poor. If you're nice to me, I'll be nice to you. Simple as that," if you not willing to do the same Dick I'm giving you an Undertaker-esque Wrestlemania beating.  

Regards

Your favourite Black friend

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@Lord_Maphz

For Men Only

Blogging is a strange thing; when you are inspired you can produce the sort of writing that would look brilliant next to a Tim Stillman column, but when you aren't you can either sit down and not write anything or you can produce the sort of boring garbage you find in a Varsity newspaper. Of-course a lack of inspiration isn't the reason I haven't written anything in a while I've just been lazy its not like there's been a shortage of fuckery to analyze and write about in the past couple of months *cough Rampheezy cough Zille cough*

 

Do you know why these grown black men are crying? Charles Darwin never did his fucking job properly that's why! The slightly above average good looking black woman gets 'macked' on approximately 15 times a week according to qualitative ground theory research performed at a top institution, considering girls start developing proper boobs at the age of 16(size of the boobs is directly proportional to an individuals gets-macked-on-coefficient) by the time she reaches 21 she has been 'macked' on over 3000 times. Considering she's not interested in 99.92%  of the guys who try to stick their peepee in her weewee she will develop a natural defense mechanism to 'mack' (its fucking science Charles Darwin said so don't argue). A black women will get brutal when a black man approaches, she will rip his heart out and feed it raw to his children while keeping him alive to watch! It's evolution! After 1000s of years of not-good-enough men trying their luck with black women it's now coded in their DNA they don't control it and they can't be blamed carvela owners in floral uzzi shirts have caused this by always trying to mack! It's evolution!

Yet there is a solution for you black men! You don't have to endure this cut throat brutality from black women! An equally good qualitative study from the same top quality institution has found that white women only get courted on a Thursday night at tiger-tiger by drunk white guys with low game-coefficients (a measure of a male's ability to convince a woman to engage in coitus with him). The natural defense mechanism developed by black women has thus not been passed onto their white counter parts, but instead the defense mechanism has led to the game-coefficient of black men to be significantly higher  than that of their white counter parts. It's evolution! the lack of a defense mechanism from white women and the unnaturally high game-coefficient of black men means...well you can figure that out

Over time the roles will reverse and the lack of attention to black women will lead to them losing their natural defense mechanism (because Charles Darwin...) and white women gaining one. At this point black men will just switch back to the females with a lower defense system.

Thank me when you are handling that long legged blond woman with blue eyes you stud motherfuckers! You are free now don't let the shackles of black women chain you! Darwin never told you about this part of evolution but I did!

Follow me on twitter : @Lord_Maphz