All bran cereal is probably the single most expensive food
out there, for those of you who are familiar with Maphz’s economic theory of
rational probability and statistical analysis of biological processes you will
know why. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the theory Sir Isaac Newton
and I worked on while apples were falling from trees let me explain…buying all
bran means you also need to buy toilet paper, which means you need to use the
water closet hence using water to flush erm (cough cough) your excessive weight
down and contrary to popular belief water isn’t free, but you also need to wash
your hands more frequently with hand-wash, you also can’t really do your
business in the dark can you? So Eskom gets a cut, let me not mention the air fresheners…I
don’t really know where this is going but I guess all I am trying to say is
high fibre cereal makes you shit a lot.
Valentine’s Day came and went and with it took the virginity
of unsuspecting young girls who have been ignored since giving it up. More significantly
however the “Blade Gunner” (as he is now known) shot down his girlfriend at 4am
sending the whole of cyberspace into turmoil (I always knew the twat was an
attention seeker he could have shot her on any other day). I am sure everybody
is aware of what happened by now (if you aren’t kindly go fuck yourself because
your complete ignorance to what’s happening around you isn’t needed in this
lame excuse of a blog). William Shakespeare
is perhaps the most underrated intellectual of all time, his ability to capture
all facets of human emotions and translate them into plays/stories that would
remain relevant decades after his passing is a skill that the most educated
professors will never possess. Oscars fall from beloved athlete to murderous
criminal can be compared to Othello’s decline from valiant war hero to a
murderous psychopath who takes the life of his own wife due to uncontrolled
rage.
Superman, Batman, Hulk, Ironman and perhaps even Harvey
Spector are all a result of an inherent human quality to have heroes and idols which
we look up to for inspiration, the very fabric of human nature means we are constantly
looking for super heroes who exhibit qualities our imperfect human forms could
never have. These characters only exist in movies, television and comic books
but our need for individuals with unparalleled moral codes and super human
qualities often leads to us idolizing sportsman, movie stars and complete
trolls like Piers Morgan. We attribute these qualities to these people and turn
them into heroes, we let them inspire us and our kids into bettering ourselves
and in the midst of their glory we forget that even Superman is afraid of
kryptonite.
The guy who helps the blind old lady across the street, the
varsity student who donates a rand for every kilometer she runs in a marathon
to charity, the selfless nurse who wakes up every morning to work in a hospital
for a low salary, the thousands who dress up in black to support action against
violent crime, the car guard who spends his whole day in the sun hoping for
tips that might not come instead of turning to crime to make an honest living,
those are the heroes we should look to for inspiration, everyday people like
you and I who aren’t perfect and don’t try to be perfect.
Tiger Woods, Oscar Pistorius, Lance Armstrong and all these
other so called heroes all end of their day in the toilet when they eat All
Bran they are after all just human…let us all fight the good fight against
violent crime and domestic violence.
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